I have been neglecting RollingBlogger.com like a demon I have trapped in my basement. That is an extreme comparison, but there has been so much going on in my life, I just haven’t made the time to write. It’s not that I haven’t had the time, I just haven’t made the time.
People look at me and they see me smile. ‘Yeah, I’m okay.’ But my spine is on fire! We had a couple set backs with my surgery to fix the degenerative disc disease in my spine and contrary to what the doctors and my research has shown, the pain is extending. This has put me into a selfish, negative head space and so, I have tried to deal with that.
I want to and try so hard to keep this blog as a positive, happy refuge. The truth is, life has pain and sometimes, some days, that pain gets worse. My wife has witnessed what this is doing to my body. There have been a few times, only a few, when I will be in mid-transfer from my wheelchair and boom! My arms and shoulders just quit. Down I have gone.
The health issues and the financial concerns that come along with all this health crap have weighed heavily on me. My editor would simply say, ‘Just trust and all will fall into place.’ Here’s the bad part of that method of thinking, we need to put in the work. We now live in a world that says, ‘Just let it happen. What is meant to be will be.’ Mom, if you’re reading this, forgive my attitude and forgive the following words, but that method of thinking is bullshit! Just let it happen?!! YOU ARE A FORCE IN THIS UNIVERSE!!! Everything you do or don’t do affects something else!!
I learned that lesson today when it has been a week since my appointment to cure a bad burn on my leg, which is another reason this surgery has been put off. I was supposed to receive some medical supplies from the doctor within a few days. I haven’t seen them, so I called today. Turns out the medical company they use delivered them to an address I haven’t lived at in almost 7 years!! (There’s God’s Number 7 again! It makes me laugh and feel better to realize He had a hand in this somewhere.) The point is, I had to put in the work to find out what happened. You can’t just go through this life and let it happen!
Writing is a good cure for me. Just writing this has put me in a better head space. Yes, it still feels like someone is twisting my spine from my neck down through my shoulders and I know I need this surgery as soon as possible. But, I have work to do to get that done. Planning that needs to happen for the 3-6 months I will be out. Prayer and spending time with God to make sure my spirit is in the right frame.
So, I may not be writing or concentrating on RollingBlogger.com every day, but know that I am paying attention. I am reading and I am praying. And if anyone needs any inspiration, there is plenty here. But, I finally realize I gotta be real. Guess what, nobody ever has a perfectly happy, inspirational life. It DOES. NOT. HAPPEN!! Writing helps me get back into a positive head space and you all supporting RollingBlogger.com helps as well. Stick with me on the journey and I promise I will be there for you as well. What can I do for you today?